When You're 21

Where is my wolf? My strength and comfort? He’s lost in the world somewhere far away. What can I do besides just sit and wait out the storm? I’ve got these people chasing me around. One is eight-legged. The little/big thing chased me around until I couldn’t out-run it anymore. Beady black eyes and she’s back in the dog’s mouth. Hallucinogenic now? Maybe you’re right. Remember when I came crawling home on your door step cuz I just couldn’t see straight, thank you to the drugs. Thank you to the revenge she was seeking on me. Why’d I ever go back to all of that? Why’d I think it was worth it?

Now she wakes up started in a daze and it just seems all so real. Do you remember where you are? Do you remember who is laying next to you? Do you remember the handsome face that agreed to hold you when you’re scared and tell you everything is going to be alright? Maybe you have trust issues, but that’s ok, it happens to the best of us. Next year will be better. For who? When she was silently crying on the other side of the line, you knew right then that this was going to tear us apart. A huge black oak tree is now being chopped down piece by piece and there is nothing any of us can do about it. If it’s not one holiday, it’s another. The foundation is crumbling as he thinks he’s building it stronger. Her foundation has been rotting for years but never had the heart to tell. And mine, mine was/is holding on by a thread. Why can’t I dwell in the future? It doesn’t seem to hold good in it anymore.

Please don’t be angry, and please don’t be scared. Please oh please don’t come looking for me. I’m sorry it has to be this way, and I’m sorry I’ve runaway again. My life was so wrong and so in danger. Something was lurking behind every corner and I had no one there to protect me, no one to hold me at night to tell me everything was going to be ok. Look for the kittykat under the bed and in the shadows, you know she watches you so quietly. She loves this huge beautiful wolf that she can no longer talk to. Please don’t question. Trust and trust with everything you have. It’s for both of your good.

If you keep living in this life, where will you go? It’s wisdom that is coming in and you know it hurts. Did you think you’d ever live to see the day? Perhaps not, but you’ve proved yourself wrong. Let’s try for another trick. Let’s see how long you can hide and run from all these things that haunt you. With everything and everyone given up on you, you’ve ran out of options. They scream at you to get out. They point and wonder why you are so strange. Not completely understanding, they throw you around. Honesty doesn’t seem to buy this people.